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August 11, 2010

Does Flash Drive + USB = Novelty Patent?

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Dear Rich: I have an Idea about a Novelty Item that I believe would be very popular on the market. Especially around Christmas time. The Toy would have information stored on a Flash Drive or a SIM card (as well as the need to be plugged into a USB port to retrieve or change the information). How can I patent an idea for something that has to have these components to work? I would bet that someone owns the patent on the Flash Drive and the Sim card as well. Yesterday, the editor for our new book (it's actually a mini-book for app developers), informed us that Tweeting (as in, "I Tweeted her yesterday.") is not capitalized. We bring this up because we wondered about your choice of capitals for Idea, Novelty Item, Toy and Flash Drive. Personally, we think this capitalization is part of an invisible-hyperlink thought process in which the writer envisions certain terms as a having a hypertext link but -- because he can't actually create one because of the contextual limitations -- he capitalizes instead to create a "signifier." Or maybe you're German. In any case, although we don't mind these capitalizations (and we created the links we imagined you imagined), we think our editor would correct them.
Right, you had a question. We agree that you will have a hard time obtaining a patent if the invention you are claiming (patent lingo for the thing you're trying to get exclusive rights to) is the flash drive and the manner in which it interacts with the USB port. However, you can use these elements and still come up with something patentable. After all, many groundbreaking inventions incorporate existing technologies -- after all, cars and radios existed when William Lear invented the car radio (and how come Motorola has erased Lear from their corporate memory?) Note however, that the ability to claim patent rights over certain combinations of existing technology has been made harder by a 2007 Supreme Court decision. 
Are you sure you want to take the patent route? Even assuming you qualify, most patents take about two years to issue and you can't stop anyone from using your patented technology until the patent is issued. Considering that most novelty items have a short shelf-life, are you sure that seeking a patent is worth the effort. Perhaps copyright and trademark protection (both far less expensive) will suffice -- as they do for many novelties and toys.
Thanks to SRV for the WIlliam Lear illustration!
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July 29, 2010

Patenting Illustration Ideas: Not!

Thumbnail image for PATAE.jpgDear Rich: I am in the process of illustrating a book for a friend. I had some ideas about the illustrations and my friend said she would have to patent it right away. This is my idea, so shouldn't I patent it? Should we do it together? How do I go about getting a patent for my illustration ideas? We recently learned that 82% of our blog visitors are coming for the first time. Hmmm...Perhaps that's why we get so many questions from people asking about whether they can dress as Spiderman for children's parties or use Lindsay Lohan quotes at their website. Any of our regular readers (18% or less of our viewers) already know that book illustrations are not protected by patents ... and that copyright doesn't protect ideas. So how do we answer this question without boring our regulars? Uh ... We'll have to think about that ...
Right, you had a question. Although the Dear Rich staff once co-wrote a book about patenting art and entertainment and although we love our co-author's attempts at carving new worlds of patent protection, we can safely say that there is no way you can patent illustrations used in a book. You can, however, acquire copyright in the illustrations. And unless you are an employee, or you signed away rights, or you are co-authoring the book with your friend, you will likely retain the complete copyright to the illustrations without having to do anything. As for your "ideas," for illustrations, we're not sure what you mean but in general ideas can't be protected by copyright.
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July 19, 2010

Let Your Fingers Do the Shaving

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Dear Rich: I am trying to find the status of this invention US 3,314,146 dated 1967. I have done my due diligence and can find no answer to whether this invention is still active. If this invention has run its course of 17 years is there any way an inventor by paying fees still keep it active?  Assuming periodic maintenance fees were paid, this patent would have dropped into the public domain in 1984. The invention claimed here -- fingertip rotary electric shavers -- is now available to everyone!  We're not sure why you're asking but the Dear Rich Staff wonders if you're working on a sequel to The Hand. If so, you might want to consider this one, too. 
 
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July 14, 2010

Burning down the doll house

dollhouse.jpgDear Rich: I want to create original illustrations for a doll house but using existing doll house designs as the canvas for them. The existing doll house designs I am thinking of using were created (and patented) between the 1890s and the 1940s and haven't been reproduced since then though some of the companies or people who obtained the patents might still exist as far as I know. (Googling them hasn't turned up much information.) Since a doll house is a doll house -- meaning that I can't stray much from the original purpose or structural design, just create new illustrations for it -- would I be infringing on their rights? I did a latent patent search and the patents I want to use aren't on that list but I can't tell if it means they have expired naturally or have been extended. The short answer is that you should be fine copying patents from over fifty years ago. Patents from those days lasted 17 years at the most and only in rare cases, were patents extended (and even so, the extension would only be for a year or two). In addition, the majority of doll house patents are design patents (you can tell them because they have a "D" before the numbers) and those patents are narrowly construed. In other words, a few modifications in appearance may remove most infringement concerns. By the way, lately we've been preferring Google patents for patent searching; it seems easier to navigate than the USPTO.
Some other stuff ... Of course, even though a patent has ended, it's possible (though extremely unlikely) that the same dollhouse -- at least if created in the 1940s --  may still be protected under copyright law. We also suppose that a doll house manufacturer could argue that its work is protected by trade dress. In any case, neither copyrights or trade dress protect functional elements which raises the (primarily) academic issue -- is Barbie's pad functional or decorative?
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May 27, 2010

To be continued - what's a continuation patent?

Sanitation.jpgDear Rich: There is an invention for a sanitation tube system that will expire this year. However, I found another invention that had been issued three years after the first one which was related to an adaptor to fix the original tube from the same inventor mentioning that this invention is continuation of the earlier patent. Is it legal for me to make a tube based on the first invention? Does the word "continuation" in the second patent mean that I can't touch the first patent unless the second one is expired? Can the invention be issued twice? First, we'll answer your last question. No, an invention cannot be issued twice -- that's known as double patenting and is illegal. And of course, once a patent expires you can make, use, or sell the invention covered by its claims and not worry about getting chased. 
What's a continuation? The Dear Rich Staff went to the always-helpful (and now-legendary) David Pressman, author of Patent It Yourself (insert FTC disclaimer), for some help with your other questions. David explained that a continuation is supposed to replace the parent application. A parent and its continuation are supposed to cover the same invention and generally both do not issue (patent lingo for the official grant of the patent). 
The problem is ... However sometimes the USPTO issues the parent and a continuation. They usually have somewhat different claims and the continuation usually expires the same day as its parent application, so you can make, use, sell the invention covered by its claims with impunity once the continuation expires. A "terminal disclaimer" is supposed to be filed in the continuation so it will not last beyond the expiration of the parent. If this situation occurs, you'll need to consider infringement of the continuation separately from its parent case. That is, one does not affect the other. 
Is this confusing enough for you? We're getting a little light headed here. Summing up (if that's the right phrase), the continuation may have a terminal disclaimer and may or may not cover the same invention as the parent. Both may be invalid for double patenting if a terminal disclaimer was not filed. David advises that since this is such a complicated matter, you might want to have a patent attorney review the patents. Why didn't we just say that in the beginning? We'll ponder that and get back to you.
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May 26, 2010

Looking for unclaimed royalties for expired stabilizer bar patent

Stabilizer.jpgDear Rich: I found the paperwork on my deceased grandfather's invention for stabilizer bars which I believe are standard on many heavy duty construction vehicles, such as backhoes, etc. There is a patent number and lots of drawings and photos of the apparatus in use. The patent was issued in 1977. Do you know if there is a way that I can find out whether there are any unclaimed fees or royalties? Sorry, but you're unlikely to locate any unclaimed royalties for a patent that likely expired in 1994. 
First you need to find the licensees/assignees. You would need to find the companies that licensed the patent from your grandfather. Check your grandfather's estate documents for evidence of those agreements or consult with your grandfather's attorney if that's possible. Alternatively, search patent records at the USPTO or Google patents for evidence of any assignment of the patent. 
Now the hard part ... Even assuming you could track down companies that had licensed or were assigned the patent, you would still face the biggest hurdle: making a legal claim for compensation. What's in your way is the statute of limitations. Under most state laws, you have between 3-10 years (here's a fifty state chart) to file a claim based on a breach of contract. That date starts ticking the day when you should have become aware that the contract was breached. We don't know the details of your grandfather's death or his condition preceding death so it may be possible to make the creative legal argument that it was not possible for you to discover the breach of the agreement until now but the Dear Rich Staff sort of doubts that will fly. In any case, don't listen to us if you have any doubts; promptly take your paperwork to a patent attorney. All in all, we hate to see inventors go uncompensated (if that's the case with your grandfather) but we're not sure there's much you can do.
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From our mailbag. Kim from Beverly Hills sent us news today that a case of patent litigation between two magicians has come to an end and the patent holder was victorious. Thanks Kim, we're glad the world is safe for the makers of levitating pens. (And yes, readers, the magic secrets are published for the world to see in the patent applications). Mostly, we're grateful to Kim for getting us to research the subject because it turned us on to this wonderful blog.
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May 5, 2010

The seafood diet: We see food and ....

seafood1.JPGDear Rich: I'm wondering if I could trademark or patent a seafood sauce  that I am in the process of creating. Basically I will have all the rights to the name, but not sure what the law is for the ingredients. The type of sauce is unique and most people make their own, but I want to bottle it. What's the best way to protect myself. I think some companies would want to steal my idea. What to do???? Thanks for your question and since you're a frequent blog reader, we wanted to remind you that the Dear Rich Staff is confused by repeating punctuation. Does ???? make the question more or less urgent ?????
Right, you had a question. You have four potential tools for protecting recipes: copyrights, trademarks, patents, and trade secrets. 

  • Copyright. You can forget about protecting a single recipe under copyright law (it's hard enough to protect a book of them) as we discussed in this blog entry
  • Patents. As for patent law, you may be able to patent a method for preparing a seafood sauce but (a) you'll probably have a hard time proving novelty), (b) it takes more than a year to get a patent, and (c) the recipe will be published for the world to see.
  • Trademarks. You can reserve your trademark at the USPTO provided that you have a bona fide intent to sell the sauce. Trademark protection, combined with savvy marketing is the typical scenario for protecting sauces and condiments. Alternatively, you may wish to try and find some celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) who can raise the awareness of your marketing and in that case, the mark may relate to the celebrity endorsement. We're not saying we wouldn't have bought our George Foreman big grill and little grill if it weren't for George. But we might not have heard about them without the name association. 
  • Trade secrets. Many famous recipes are maintained as trade secrets --  Coca Cola being the most well known. You would use nondisclosure agreements with your manufacturers and distributors. Anyone can reverse-engineer and use your secret method but that doesn't seem to have had any effect on Coke sales.
Speaking of seafood. We're featuring our favorite seafood sandwich, the Reuben sandwich made with halibut and prepared by the world's greatest seafood restaurant

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April 9, 2010

Changing the way we hear and see music!!!

Dear Rich: I have a revolutionary idea that can change the way we hear and see music and I need to get it protected!!! I mentioned it to a few people for approval and I'm afraid that they might take the idea to their investors. What should i do until I can afford to put the idea out???? First of all, the Dear Rich Staff gets nervous when people repeat punctuation.  We don't think repetition intensifies statements; we think it trivializes them and that's the last thing you want if you've come up with an idea that will change the way we hear and see music (Wait. See music? Are you referring to synesthesia?)
Right, you had a question. Assuming your idea was once a trade secret, that protection is over now that you've provided it to others without requiring their confidence. It doesn't seem like your idea would be protected by copyright since you're apparently referring to a method of doing something (and copyright doesn't protect methods). Maybe your idea could be protected by a patent because many great musical ideas have been protected that way (at least that's what we said in one of our books). In that case you have one year from any written disclosure of your idea to file for the patent (or to file a provisional patent application and file a regular patent application within one year of that).
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March 8, 2010

Can Anyone Sell Taggies?

Taggis.jpgDear Rich: My question is in regards to what some people call the, "Taggie" blankets. I see that a lot of people make and sell them on etsy.com. I've heard that there was some sort of controversary with this is...and that any kind of looped ribbon sewn between two types of fabric is patentened by the TAGGIE corporation. I've just learned how to make these myself and intend to sell them, but I won't if there are legal issues. Yes, you are correct that Taggies is patented (RE38,782). Without going into all of the boring details, if you step on the innovation that is described in the patent, you'll become a potential defendant (Although we haven't seen any lawsuits, apparently the company does send out C&D warnings.) Would it be worthwhile to challenge the patent's validity? If Taggies was "obvious" to those in the children's blanket-making field before the patent was filed, then the patent will be invalidated (assuming somebody has the time and money to fight the battle).
We turn to the experts. So, the Dear Rich Staff asked Greg Aharonian, a professional patent searcher (and author and patent gadfly) what he thought about the patent's validity (and it looks like it would be a tough challenge).  Greg reports: "I can observe a few things. First, the applicants submitted a fair amount of prior art, both patents and non-patents, more than most patents, so it looks like the inventors were seriously pursuing the patent. They submitted multiple examples of a close piece of prior art, "Tag Along Tags blankets," and still got the patent issued. And they cite 'Taggly,' a toy that has tags, which they argue doesn't anticipate a blanket, but is otherwise prior art. So a primary examiner issued them the patent - twice (the patent and the reissue). So circa ten years ago, their invention was considered non-obvious enough to be granted a patent." 
Would their patent hold up with today's obviousness standard of  "what is predictable" from KSR? Applying that newer standard, Greg says, "Is a Taggie blanket a predictable variation of the Taggly taggy toy? Well, if you squish the toy flat, you have a blanket-shaped object with tags - the Taggies patent. Seems a predictable variation to me. Or not? The Court of Appeals of the Federal Circuit (CAFC) has made a mess of things. A few PATNEWS ago, I mentioned a recent CAFC decision where two judges ruled that it is obvious to go from a Marilyn Monroe card with non-memorabilia item attached - to a baseball card with a memorabilia item attached. Yet Judge Rader, the next chief justice of the CAFC, dissented, saying it wasn't obvious, and that his two colleagues were basically .... idiots. I have no idea how these same three judges would rule on the Taggies patent. And no one else could predict their decision as well, because obviousness caselaw is such a mess. So is the Taggies patent obvious in light of the cited art (or anything similar I could find in a search)? I would rather try to achieve world peace." Thanks Greg, and we're sure if you applied the same skillset you use in busting patents to world peace, the world would be a better place.
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February 25, 2010

Show me the Money: Finding an Agent for an Invention

iStock_000007960413XSmall.jpgDear RIch: I am an independent inventor and I am seeking an Intellectual property agent to represent me and my invention to the market. I currently have about 9 months left before I know whether the United States Patent office will grant me my patent but I feel I should not wait till the last minute to research this. My question is this, where do I find an intellectual property agent with the experience and knowledge in the field I need? My patent is for a new type of intake and exhaust valve system for the internal combustion engine.  Obtaining an agent can be as difficult as locating a licensee. Most agents are not looking for clients. They rely on word of mouth from friends or other inventors. The agents we spoke with when researching our licensing book requested that their names not be included. Why? Because they already have sufficient client listings and attract business strictly from referrals. How do you find an agent? There are five common methods: referrals from businesses, referrals from inventors, trade shows, trade magazine advertisements, and the Internet. Certain licensing publications also list licensing agents and service organizations that appraise new inventions. For example, The Licensing Journal often includes lists of technology agents. (That's a pricey journal however, and you may want to check your local law library for copies.)
Don't confuse agents with invention marketing scams. Invention marketing scams can be distinguished from legitimate agents because generally agents: are hard to find because they rarely advertise; do not give a sales pitch to inventors; will tell an inventor if the invention has flaws or risk factors; and  provide a list of satisfied clients. In other words, a real agent is realistic about your invention and is usually willing to take a risk for a percentage of the profits. Some qualified agents may offer to evaluate your product. The evaluations performed by legitimate reps usually cost several hundred dollars and result in a critique that is particular to your invention and the appropriate industry. Although scam marketers may seek a percentage of profits, they actually make their money by exorbitant up-front fees that are unrelated to any service that they perform. As a general rule, a person or company that demands more than $1,000 in up-front fees and will not furnish you with a list of clients is probably a scam marketing venture. If in doubt about the legitimacy of a company, check Invent.net or the National inventor Fraud Center which includes a list of suspected companies, as well as helpful links--for example, to the Federal Trade Commission. 
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February 15, 2010

Can Monopoly Come After Me?

MonopolySpongeBobSquarePantsEdition_billboard_1.jpgDear Rich: A few years ago, I came up with my own version of Monopoly to use in high schools as a fun way to teach a topic. The game became so fun and popular that a local science center wanted to play it and open it up as a free competition between schools. I didn't have a problem with that, but was starting to get a little worried about legal issues. I tried several times to contact Hasbro to ask permission, but they never responded. I told the schools that unless they intended on backing me up if any legal issues arrose, that I would not allow the game to be played. No one wanted to back me up, so I decided that I would change the game sufficiently as to make it very different from a Monopoly-like game. I did that and the game looks great and still fun (I'm pretty sure that I changed it enough.). Now, I'm uncertain. Did I change it enough? Really, the only thing that remains similar is that you can purchase property (but they're not houses or hotels) and pay rent? Because I am not selling it, am I safe? If I do decide to turn it into a classroom-type game, how difficult would that be and is the fact that the game was originally based on MONOPOLY going to cause problems? Should I go see a lawyer? Is it worth going through all of the trouble of patenting my idea and/or selling it? How many board game ideas out there really make it (I'm assuming that it is very little)? Can I protect my idea and distribute the game for free (just get organizations to give me cash to produce and distribute for free in schools)?  I'm hoping that you can help. The Dear Rich Staff would like to help but we're pretty exhausted from reading all your questions. Wait a second while we hook up a caffeinated IV drip. 
1. We don't know if you changed the game enough but if people play it and say things like, 'this seems a lot like Monopoly,' the answer is probably, 'No.' 
2. If the only thing the games have in common is the idea of purchasing property, then you're not likely to be infringing.
3. If the game infringes, you will be liable for selling, distributing or licensing. You don't have to make a profit to be an infringer.
4.  If it's not similar to Monopoly it won't infringe even if you were originally inspired by Monopoly.
5. We don't know if you should go see a lawyer. We happen to like lawyers and think they're an interesting group of people. But that's just us. Also, when we speak to lawyers, the meter is usually not running. We would suggest holding off on the legal visits and learning as much as you can by yourself.
6. You may be able to patent your game--possibly with either a utility or design patent--but we wouldn't recommend it as a strategy for board games (which kind of fits in with the whole twisted legal history of Monopoly). In any case, copyright and trademark law should do just fine for you.
7. The Dear Rich Staff used to do a lot of toy licensing and our experience from that was that board game licenses were exceptionally rare. You will have a hard time getting in to see the two or three companies that still make board games, and without major distribution, it will likely become a money-losing venture. Even if you do license it, the chances of breaking through the existing pack of popular and classic board games is slim. (Sorry to be so negative but we're glass-half-empty folks).
8. If your game isn't substantially similar to an existing game and doesn't use a similar trademark, you're legally entitled to do what you want. 


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February 11, 2010

What If They Won't Sign an NDA?

00000031.jpgDear Rich: I started a product design company and have a design that a company may be interested in licensing. To date I have not told them specifics about the design, only that it fits into their product line. We're meeting soon and I want to be sure to protect the idea for future patentability (by not making it public as defined by patent law) as well as prevent the company from disclosing the idea to others. I've read that having representatives from the company write a quick entry in my invention notebook to the effect that we're meeting to discuss the idea is legally sufficient to protect patentability and disclosure. I've also been told not to bother with an NDA as most companies will not sign them. You are correct to be concerned about public disclosures as they will set the clock ticking on the one-year bar for filing a patent (and will likely eliminate the chances for any foreign patent rights). 
Disclosing in Confidence. To prevent triggering the one-year bar (and to preserve foreign rights),  the company must agree your disclosure was made in confidence (and treat it accordingly). It's true that many companies will not sign NDAs, particularly with individuals that they do not know. However, that's usually not the case when the company knows the other party, or has solicited the idea. So, we  recommend starting with an NDA (samples are provided here).
Signing your book. Signing an entry in your invention notebook may preserve confidentiality provided it includes a statement to the effect that the disclosure is being made in confidence and the company will take necessary steps to preserve the confidentiality of the disclosure. Still, it's not as ideal as an NDA which may contain provisions for dispute resolution, attorney fees, jurisdiction, or injunctive relief. 
Authority to bind. Finally, make sure the person signing the NDA or book has the authority to bind the company (include their title; be wary of "agents") and if in doubt, verify the authority. 
If they won't sign anything. Be wary of companies that won't sign anything. Sometimes they have a legitimate reason -- they don't want to be limited in case they're developing something similar independently -- and sometimes they're just using their bargaining power to see what you have without any restrictions. Keep in mind that any "publication" that shows how to make and use the invention, or any offer for sale -- licenses are not typically considered an offer for sale -- will trigger the one-year bar. Disclose sparingly in the absence of a confidentiality agreement. 
The young man in this photo -- my cousin Andrew -- went on to run a design company that licensed toys to all of the major toy companies. He always used an NDA!

Find out more about protecting your invention with my book Patent, Copyright & Trademark: An Intellectual Property Desk Reference.
Want to file for a patent now? Use Nolo's Online Provisional Patent Application.
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February 5, 2010

Failed to Pay Maintenance Fees: Is the Patent Lost?

iStock_000011114453XSmall.jpgDear Rich: Help! A friend of a friend failed to pay his patent maintenance fees timely and his patents have expired. Is there any way to pay a late fee and "revive" the patents? Yes there is. If it's been less than two years since the patent expired, you can revive it if you pay the fee and a surcharge of between $700 and $1640 depending on whether the reason for the failure was 'unavoidable' or 'unintentional.'  You'll need to file a petition and you can learn more about the requirements, here. If it's been more than two years, you can revive the patent only if you can show the failure was unavoidable. This article explains it better than the Dear Rich Staff (and we recommend the blog to all patent fans).

Find out more about patent maintenance with my book Patent, Copyright & Trademark: An Intellectual Property Desk Reference.
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January 5, 2010

My Partner Stole My Idea ... or Did She?

patentofficetheft.jpgDear Rich: In 2003 I had a small company (controlling interest) with 2 lesser partners. At that time I had an idea and applied for a provisional patent. I included one of the partner's names as well since she worked with me on it but the idea was mine. Nevertheless, I was willing to share. When it came time to do the non-provisional patent the following year, she claimed she did not have any money to contribute for lawyer fees and since I had already severed our business relationship anyway, I dropped the patent idea and just went ahead and made the item and put it into my showroom collections to show customers. I told her it was OK with me if she also wanted to sell the item herself. I just recently discovered that she has somehow patented the item (and has added an assignee.) In PR material she touts herself as "the inventor of" and even won a design award last year. Is it legal to obtain a patent that was a collaboration, especially after a provisional patent had been filed with both names? After the item has already been shown to prospective clients? I have well-documented photos of the original prototypes I had made in China as well as photos from the company showroom that very clearly show the item. (The original computer date signatures are on the files and are a full 2 years before her patent was filed.) Do I have any legal recourse? That seems like fraud to me. What about the assignee? Whoa ... that's a lot of information. You may have a legal basis to pursue your ex-partner, but some things are unclear. For example, did you examine the patent that was issued to be sure that it was for the same invention that you sought to protect with your provisional patent application? If your ex is claiming something different, there may be no reason to list you. On the other hand, if you are an inventor -- you contributed to at least one of the claims--then your name should have been included in the patent application. If the patent is valid, it could be corrected to include you, and your ex should account to you for any income under the assignment (although patent law is a little odd about when co-inventors must account to each other). 
And don't forget the confusing 'one-year' rule. If the invention was offered for sale more than one year before your ex-partner's patent application was filed, then the patent should not have been issued and it doesn't matter who is listed as inventor (unless your partner is claiming priority on the basis of the provisional patent application and filed within one year of that filing date). If the patent should not have been issued and the USPTO made an error, the Dear Rich Staff believes you should talk to a patent attorney about starting a proceeding at the USPTO to invalidate the patent.

To file your own provisional patent, see Nolo's Online Provisional Patent Application.

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December 31, 2009

Patent, My Ass! Five Strange But True Butt-Related Inventions

Dear Rich: I like your blog especially, the early funny stuff you used to write. How come you don't do funny stuff any more? Say no more! As a special end of the year bonus we've dug deep into the bowels of the patent office for five butt-shaking patents, all focused on the human rear-end. Butt1.jpg
#1. Patent No. 6473908: "Garment having a buttocks cleavage revealing feature," What's buttocks cleavage? It's when a little bit of the buttocks (and cleft between them) is exposed. Some people find this type of exposure unappealing--in the U.S. it's disparagingly referred to as 'plumber's crack,' in Britain it's 'builder's bum,' and in Brazil, call it cofrinho. Even with this negative rap, apparently there are those among us who like to expose their gluteal cleft. For those folks, inventor Thomas A. Bontems created a method for affixing a strategically placed see-through material allowing for ideal butt cleavage exposure. One nice feature is that the see-through portion of the invention is not limited to a basic heart-shaped peek-a-boo cut-out; the wearer can also expose themselves through flower shaped, butterfly shaped, and football-helmet shaped windows of opportunity. (We're not sure if the football helmet is for fans or players occupying Center position). There's even a "logo" view that presumably allows for unlimited corporate licensing opportunities--for example, you can expose yourself within the Apple logo or Chevrolet "bowtie." Since inventors solve problems, one may wonder what problem Bontems' invention solves? According to the inventor, many people like to expose portions of their anatomy but they're not comfortable wearing tight fitting or low cut jeans. This invention "incorporates a revealing feature that does not detract from or govern the overall structure of the garment." In other words Bontems has leveled the playing field and liberated butt cleavage from the thin, the sexy and the good-looking. Free at last!! 
  • If You Liked This Invention You Might Also Like: Patent No. 5970516, "Article of clothing for making a patterned sunburn." This invention allows the user to swap out an interchangeable see-through portion of a bathing suit to create tanning tattoos. 
Butt2.jpg#2. Patent No. 6,012,168: "Privacy accessory for use with hospital gown" Even exhibitionists would probably like to avoid one situation of butt-cleavage exposure--the use of an old-fashioned posterior-exposing hospital gown. Laurie Hutton and Lois Histopad came up with a temporary-albeit worky solution as shown in their 1998 patent--a flap-and-strap garment that can be worn underneath the gown to guarantee "practical modesty coverage." Much as we may support the concept, this flapping backside accessory seems like a stop-gap measure. Sure enough, a better solution arrived in 2001 with Sarah Bowens' Patent No. 6,237,153, "Hospital Garment" which featured three panels one of which was an overlapping back panel. Despite the obsolescence of their invention, we support Histopad and Hutton because as lawyers, we can relate to the need for covering your ass. 
  • If You Liked This Invention You Might Also Like: Patent No. 4,028,740, "Convertible beach attire." Speaking of hiding your butt, perhaps you'd like a nice "pair of modesty panels" to cover your skimpy swimwear while walking from your car to the beach. These panels comes with a complex-looking belt and loop combo that makes you wonder why the wearer doesn't just drape a towel around the over-exposed area. 

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#3. Patent No. 4,151,613: "Protective device for the buttocks and hips of a person for use in skateboarding" Skateboarding is all about style and what could be more stylish than wearing a plastic and foam portable seat on your butt? Now, that should impress your boarding buds. No doubt, inventor Jhoon Rhee had the noblest intentions--to shield skateboarders from hip and butt damage--after all skateboarding injuries account for 50,000 emergency room visits per year. And since 90% of the skateboarding victims are under 15, it makes a lot of sense that kids should wear this "ass-helmet," although getting them to comply should be about as easy as getting them to clean out the septic tank. And here's some good news for manufacturers; Rhee's patent expired in 1995 so anyone can sell and use this shielding device. 
  • If You Liked This Invention You Might Also Like: Patent No. 5913405, "Ladybug (child protector)." Apparently influenced by Kafka's "Metamorphosis," inventor Francisco Bordier has designed a polyurethane bug-styled protective covering for use by children learning to walk. 

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#4. Patent No. 5708986: "Undergarment having rear supports" We're afraid there's no other way to put this one. The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has spent your tax dollars reviewing and ultimately granting a patent on a device that basically holds your butt cheeks in a raised position. Okay, not every invention can be a cure for cancer and we understand that looking good makes you feel good and feeling good is important in this cruel world. So perhaps it is important to have an invention that "enhances the presentation of the derriere." The principle is simple: cut two strategically placed holes in a support garment and allow your butt to fit within. The result, according to the inventor, is something akin to a push-up bra for your butt. 
  • If You Liked This Invention You Might Also Like: Patent No. 5842232, "Pad inserts for enhancing the shape of a wearer's buttocks." As we've concluded few problems are as devastating as having "flat or scant buttocks." Sure there are numerous butt enhancement devices, but we like inventor Janice Ward Parrish's unique dual-pad approach. 

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#5. Patent No. 6,293,874: "User-operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user's buttocks."  Here's an invention that Jefferson and Franklin could never have anticipated -- a machine that allows you to kick your own ass. At least, there's no question what problem this invention solves ... the anatomic impossibility of booting oneself in the butt. This is of course not the first self-spanking machine (see also Pat No. 920,837 for example), but it's a giant leap forward over previous machines whose paddles needed to be reset after each episode. Inventor Joe Armstrong eliminated those pesky issues with his crank system utilizing rotating arms, resulting in a patent issued in 2001. Best of all the whole apparatus folds up for easy transport or storage so you can even take it on vacation. (Tip of the Hatlo Hat to Greg Aharonian)
  • If You Liked This Invention You Might Also Like: Patent No. 2006/0094518 A1, "Manually Self Operated Butt Kicking Machine." If the previous invention seemed so 2001, then check out J. Leavitt's 2006 patented attempt at self-humiliation--a Rube Goldberg styled seat with a hole, through which a shoe strikes the user's posterior.
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